We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
