I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
