piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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