I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
