ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
