Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
