I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
