Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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