Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
