Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
