the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
