Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
