Will you blow on my dice?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
