I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
our cab driver is having phone sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
