I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
