One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
