im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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