Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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