I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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