It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
