I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
