Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
