"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
