Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
