he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
