ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I fill condoms, not promises.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
