you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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