My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
