His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
