apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
