You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
