I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
