they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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