Sponge bath it is.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
