Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
