call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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