Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
