Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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