so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
