Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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