i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
