i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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