david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
