Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
