I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
