I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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