Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
