So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's shark week go big or go home
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
