We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
