Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
